Piggy-backing on my last post, Mike and I decided that we were going to
do the four gift viral gift giving thats going around this year, and hopefully
consecutive years after....
The premise is you give your children four gifts instead of the mass amounts
of gifts one might expect (I know I remember a tree-full). The four gifts
fit into four categories: something you want, something you need, something
to wear, and something to read. I know his grandparents always spoil him
so whats the point... and at this age... all he is interested in is stacking bowls,
and empty yogurt cups. Fancy toys are sort of lost on him.
We decided to split up the responsibilities. I got Otto the NEED and the
WEAR, and Mike is getting him the WANT and the READ. I have already
kind of cheated though... I may have gotten him a few other things here
and there... whoops. Hopefully they will fit in his stocking...
Which reminds me... I finally finished the stockings I started last year
for the family... pictures soon.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Are Our Kids Entitled?
I came across an interesting article while perusing one of my friends
Pinterest pages, and thought I would share. It brings up some interesting
points about the culture we live in, being one of entitlement, oh god...
such a taboo subject with the last election, but is it true?
I guess I would have to examine the context of this article in order to
take it out of the political arena... because I dont even want to go there.
The main premise is that our children are inundated with messages of
want vs need, with the want always trumping the need. Whether its TV,
or movies, or other children, there is a message circulating that having
the newest toys or electronics is essential to happiness. I firmly believe
that this message can be counteracted in the home, and the article gives
some great tips on how to make children appreciate their possessions,
but also understand how hard work can be rewarded.
I know when we first got pregnant Mike and I were talking about how
we grew up and what kinds of lessons we took away from each of our
upbringings. I was raised as an entitled child... I got whatever I wanted,
always had nice clothes, but I also went into my mom's store and helped
her during the Christmas season, had chores around the house, and had
an expectation to treat my possessions with respect. I was always
encouraged in school, and remember both of my parents taking an active
role in my school and after school activities... we always had family
dinner together every night and were required to ask if we could be
excused from the table, which never happened unless we had homework.
We always had to wait til we were all done. My mom always paid for
everything, that includes friends, and never let out of town guests pay
for anything (that was always an interesting fight when the bill came),
and like my mother, put myself into a world of debt that was at times
overwhelming. I should also add that my father passed away when I was
14, so my mom was a single parent, with a good income, but I think
she tried to overcompensate for my father's death with possessions, for
which I do not fault her, it was a hard adjustment.
Pros: I never went without, and I had a sense of pride in my
accomplishments because I knew my parents took pride
in what I did, and were able to give me the tools to succeed
(i.e. private art classes, supplies, soccer teams, etc). I work
hard and have a sense of accomplishment in everything I do
and always strive to better myself, and I throw myself into
my work (much to my downfall at times). I learned
generosity and the value of things (even if I should probably
wait to purchase said items til I can afford it).
Cons: I have a hard time living within my means, everyday is a
struggle to stay within my set budget and paying down
my obscene amount of debt (near $20,000, not including
a small amount of student loans) was a four year struggle.
I still have bouts of retail therapy, and I am generous to a
fault (I know that sounds cocky, but I will give you the
clothes off my back if I think you need it).
I have to write this section based on what I remember and gleaned from
the way Mike described his childhood. Mike had a somewhat tumultuous
childhood, having his parents divorce at an early age, and it was not
amicable by any stretch of the imagination. He was one of 4 kids, which
already can stretch a family's budget. His mother was a teacher, and
his dad was a struggling lawyer, thats not to say he wasnt good, just
fresh out of law school and it takes time to build a practice. His parents
had very different parenting styles; his dad was strict and disciplined
(he was a military man), and has a hightened sense of morality and
justice, more on that later. His mother, who is fantastic, was not strict,
and sort of let the kids have the run of the house. She worked very hard
as a teacher for little pay, and worked even harder in the summer just to
make ends meet for her family. I wont go into the custody and child
support issues because it was a childhood of turmoil on that end. Mike
did not have a childhood filled with extravagance, to which I dont fault
either parent, it was just a fact of circumstance. However, the one thing
Mike took away was that he may not have gotten the newest or the
best of anything, he did have a childhood of experiences whether it was
hunting, fishing or camping trips to various places he always had that.
His parents also scrimped and saved to send him to a soccer tournament
in Holland. There are other elements at play in his childhood, but while
it wasn't always stable, he knew his parents loved him, and were
interested in his activities enough to sacrifice for him.
Pros: He does not have the inclination to get the newest and
greatest, he is content with what he has and when he can
afford it he will upgrade to a new, but used product. He is
very DIY, which saves his a ton of money to hire a
professional (most of the time). He lives within his means,
and has a great sense of what things are valuable, and
what things are priceless. He is a great balance to me. He
appreciates the little things. He wants to make sure Otto
grows up in a loving environment, and that even if some
kind of catastrophe befalls our relationship, that he will
never experience our troubles, and that he will be loved.
Cons: He goes without when he should really just go get. If you
know Mike, you know his clothes are full of holes and he
will wear them til they are threadbare and falling off his
body literally. He had to see his family constantly struggle,
which is not a happy position to be in as a kid, and saw a
lot of animosity between his parents (which has actually
turned into a pro because he is so even-keeled and always
strives to make things better instead of perpetuate our
fights).I honestly, can't think of any other cons, but
then again I am only gleaning, maybe he has more insight.
Collectively, we plan to raise Otto with the benefits of both of our
upbringings... Otto will never go without the necessities, but he will be
more brought up on experiences, and encouragement. He will not see
or feel the struggles we may be experiencing, and will not see any
animosity between his parents, no matter what life brings us. We never
want him to be indulged, but we do want him to feel safe and secure in
his childhood... adulthood will soon come and he will feel some harsh
realities, but is it wrong to want them to live an idealic childhood while
they can?
Here are the thing this article suggest to raise your children to value life
more and possessions less. I summed them up in a list (because this post
is long enough as it is), for more details the article link is below.
1. Teach Values.
2. Role Model.
3. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought.
4. Recognize that buying can be an addiction.
5. Don't feed your child's emotional hunger with possessions.
6. Don't Buy Your Child Off.
7. Re-evaluate your own buying decisions.
8. Help your child learn the value of hard work.
9. Help your child learn how to hold a job.
10. Hold your child accountable for damaged goods.
11. Every child deserves the pleasure of giving his own money to a
worthy cause.
12. Cultivate Gratitude.
13. Educate yourself.
via http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/10_Ways_to_Raise_Kids_who_Aren%27t_Entitled/
Pinterest pages, and thought I would share. It brings up some interesting
points about the culture we live in, being one of entitlement, oh god...
such a taboo subject with the last election, but is it true?
I guess I would have to examine the context of this article in order to
take it out of the political arena... because I dont even want to go there.
The main premise is that our children are inundated with messages of
want vs need, with the want always trumping the need. Whether its TV,
or movies, or other children, there is a message circulating that having
the newest toys or electronics is essential to happiness. I firmly believe
that this message can be counteracted in the home, and the article gives
some great tips on how to make children appreciate their possessions,
but also understand how hard work can be rewarded.
I know when we first got pregnant Mike and I were talking about how
we grew up and what kinds of lessons we took away from each of our
upbringings. I was raised as an entitled child... I got whatever I wanted,
always had nice clothes, but I also went into my mom's store and helped
her during the Christmas season, had chores around the house, and had
an expectation to treat my possessions with respect. I was always
encouraged in school, and remember both of my parents taking an active
role in my school and after school activities... we always had family
dinner together every night and were required to ask if we could be
excused from the table, which never happened unless we had homework.
We always had to wait til we were all done. My mom always paid for
everything, that includes friends, and never let out of town guests pay
for anything (that was always an interesting fight when the bill came),
and like my mother, put myself into a world of debt that was at times
overwhelming. I should also add that my father passed away when I was
14, so my mom was a single parent, with a good income, but I think
she tried to overcompensate for my father's death with possessions, for
which I do not fault her, it was a hard adjustment.
Pros: I never went without, and I had a sense of pride in my
accomplishments because I knew my parents took pride
in what I did, and were able to give me the tools to succeed
(i.e. private art classes, supplies, soccer teams, etc). I work
hard and have a sense of accomplishment in everything I do
and always strive to better myself, and I throw myself into
my work (much to my downfall at times). I learned
generosity and the value of things (even if I should probably
wait to purchase said items til I can afford it).
Cons: I have a hard time living within my means, everyday is a
struggle to stay within my set budget and paying down
my obscene amount of debt (near $20,000, not including
a small amount of student loans) was a four year struggle.
I still have bouts of retail therapy, and I am generous to a
fault (I know that sounds cocky, but I will give you the
clothes off my back if I think you need it).
I have to write this section based on what I remember and gleaned from
the way Mike described his childhood. Mike had a somewhat tumultuous
childhood, having his parents divorce at an early age, and it was not
amicable by any stretch of the imagination. He was one of 4 kids, which
already can stretch a family's budget. His mother was a teacher, and
his dad was a struggling lawyer, thats not to say he wasnt good, just
fresh out of law school and it takes time to build a practice. His parents
had very different parenting styles; his dad was strict and disciplined
(he was a military man), and has a hightened sense of morality and
justice, more on that later. His mother, who is fantastic, was not strict,
and sort of let the kids have the run of the house. She worked very hard
as a teacher for little pay, and worked even harder in the summer just to
make ends meet for her family. I wont go into the custody and child
support issues because it was a childhood of turmoil on that end. Mike
did not have a childhood filled with extravagance, to which I dont fault
either parent, it was just a fact of circumstance. However, the one thing
Mike took away was that he may not have gotten the newest or the
best of anything, he did have a childhood of experiences whether it was
hunting, fishing or camping trips to various places he always had that.
His parents also scrimped and saved to send him to a soccer tournament
in Holland. There are other elements at play in his childhood, but while
it wasn't always stable, he knew his parents loved him, and were
interested in his activities enough to sacrifice for him.
Pros: He does not have the inclination to get the newest and
greatest, he is content with what he has and when he can
afford it he will upgrade to a new, but used product. He is
very DIY, which saves his a ton of money to hire a
professional (most of the time). He lives within his means,
and has a great sense of what things are valuable, and
what things are priceless. He is a great balance to me. He
appreciates the little things. He wants to make sure Otto
grows up in a loving environment, and that even if some
kind of catastrophe befalls our relationship, that he will
never experience our troubles, and that he will be loved.
Cons: He goes without when he should really just go get. If you
know Mike, you know his clothes are full of holes and he
will wear them til they are threadbare and falling off his
body literally. He had to see his family constantly struggle,
which is not a happy position to be in as a kid, and saw a
lot of animosity between his parents (which has actually
turned into a pro because he is so even-keeled and always
strives to make things better instead of perpetuate our
fights).I honestly, can't think of any other cons, but
then again I am only gleaning, maybe he has more insight.
Collectively, we plan to raise Otto with the benefits of both of our
upbringings... Otto will never go without the necessities, but he will be
more brought up on experiences, and encouragement. He will not see
or feel the struggles we may be experiencing, and will not see any
animosity between his parents, no matter what life brings us. We never
want him to be indulged, but we do want him to feel safe and secure in
his childhood... adulthood will soon come and he will feel some harsh
realities, but is it wrong to want them to live an idealic childhood while
they can?
Here are the thing this article suggest to raise your children to value life
more and possessions less. I summed them up in a list (because this post
is long enough as it is), for more details the article link is below.
1. Teach Values.
2. Role Model.
3. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought.
4. Recognize that buying can be an addiction.
5. Don't feed your child's emotional hunger with possessions.
6. Don't Buy Your Child Off.
7. Re-evaluate your own buying decisions.
8. Help your child learn the value of hard work.
9. Help your child learn how to hold a job.
10. Hold your child accountable for damaged goods.
11. Every child deserves the pleasure of giving his own money to a
worthy cause.
12. Cultivate Gratitude.
13. Educate yourself.
via http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/10_Ways_to_Raise_Kids_who_Aren%27t_Entitled/
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
What To Expect When You Have Already Expected?
One of the main purposes of this blog is to blog about my new role as a
"super mom." All moms in my opinion are super moms, from stay at home
mamas to full-time working mamas. There are delicate balances in our
lives; we walk tightropes each day between harmony and madness. We
have so many relationships to cultivate; kids, partners, friends, and work.
The list goes on, but mostly this is a place to vent, to research, to learn,
to grow, and to craft... and hopefully find my balance.
The other reason for this blog is I hope to find ways to instill in my little
boy, and any future babes the culture significance of my heritage, which
is half Iranian. There are so many beautiful parts to my culture, ones I have not
experienced in a long time, or have been reaquainted with through the help
of friends and family... I hope to reconnect, and bring my baby along for
the ride.
Life truly is kheili khoshmaze (very delicious)!
"super mom." All moms in my opinion are super moms, from stay at home
mamas to full-time working mamas. There are delicate balances in our
lives; we walk tightropes each day between harmony and madness. We
have so many relationships to cultivate; kids, partners, friends, and work.
The list goes on, but mostly this is a place to vent, to research, to learn,
to grow, and to craft... and hopefully find my balance.
The other reason for this blog is I hope to find ways to instill in my little
boy, and any future babes the culture significance of my heritage, which
is half Iranian. There are so many beautiful parts to my culture, ones I have not
experienced in a long time, or have been reaquainted with through the help
of friends and family... I hope to reconnect, and bring my baby along for
the ride.
Life truly is kheili khoshmaze (very delicious)!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)