Are Our Kids Entitled?

I came across an interesting article while perusing one of my friends
Pinterest pages, and thought I would share. It brings up some interesting
points about the culture we live in, being one of entitlement, oh god...
such a taboo subject with the last election, but is it true?

I guess I would have to examine the context of this article in order to
take it out of the political arena... because I dont even want to go there.
The main premise is that our children are inundated with messages of
want vs need, with the want always trumping the need. Whether its TV,
or movies, or other children, there is a message circulating that having
the newest toys or electronics is essential to happiness. I firmly believe
that this message can be counteracted in the home, and the article gives
some great tips on how to make children appreciate their possessions,
but also understand how hard work can be rewarded.

I know when we first got pregnant Mike and I were talking about how
we grew up and what kinds of lessons we took away from each of our
upbringings. I was raised as an entitled child... I got whatever I wanted,
always had nice clothes, but I also went into my mom's store and helped
her during the Christmas season, had chores around the house, and had
an expectation to treat my possessions with respect. I was always
encouraged in school, and remember both of my parents taking an active
role in my school and after school activities... we always had family
dinner together every night and were required to ask if we could be
excused from the table, which never happened unless we had homework.
We always had to wait til we were all done. My mom always paid for
everything, that includes friends, and never let out of town guests pay
for anything (that was always an interesting fight when the bill came),
and like my mother, put myself into a world of debt that was at times
overwhelming. I should also add that my father passed away when I was
14, so my mom was a single parent, with a good income, but I think
she tried to overcompensate for my father's death with possessions, for
which I do not fault her, it was a hard adjustment.

          Pros: I never went without, and I had a sense of pride in my
                    accomplishments because I knew my parents took pride
                    in what I did, and were able to give me the tools to succeed
                    (i.e. private art classes, supplies, soccer teams, etc). I work
                    hard and have a sense of accomplishment in everything I do
                    and always strive to better myself, and I throw myself into
                    my work (much to my downfall at times). I learned
                    generosity and the value of things (even if I should probably
                    wait to purchase said items til I can afford it).

          Cons: I have a hard time living within my means, everyday is a
                     struggle to stay within my set budget and paying down
                     my obscene amount of debt (near $20,000, not including
                     a small amount of student loans) was a four year struggle.
                     I still have bouts of retail therapy, and I am generous to a
                     fault (I know that sounds cocky, but I will give you the
                     clothes off my back if I think you need it).

I have to write this section based on what I remember and gleaned from
the way Mike described his childhood. Mike had a somewhat tumultuous
childhood, having his parents divorce at an early age, and it was not
amicable by any stretch of the imagination. He was one of 4 kids, which
already can stretch a family's budget. His mother was a teacher, and
his dad was a struggling lawyer, thats not to say he wasnt good, just
fresh out of law school and it takes time to build a practice. His parents
had very different parenting styles; his dad was strict and disciplined
(he was a military man), and has a hightened sense of morality and
justice, more on that later. His mother, who is fantastic, was not strict,
and sort of let the kids have the run of the house. She worked very hard
as a teacher for little pay, and worked even harder in the summer just to
make ends meet for her family. I wont go into the custody and child
support issues because it was a childhood of turmoil on that end. Mike
did not have a childhood filled with extravagance, to which I dont fault
either parent, it was just a fact of circumstance. However, the one thing
Mike took away was that he may not have gotten the newest or the
best of anything, he did have a childhood of experiences whether it was
hunting, fishing or camping trips to various places he always had that.
His parents also scrimped and saved to send him to a soccer tournament
in Holland. There are other elements at play in his childhood, but while
it wasn't always stable, he knew his parents loved him, and were
interested in his activities enough to sacrifice for him.

          Pros:  He does not have the inclination to get the newest and
                     greatest, he is content with what he has and when he can
                     afford it he will upgrade to a new, but used product. He is
                     very DIY, which saves his a ton of money to hire a
                     professional (most of the time). He lives within his means,
                     and has a great sense of what things are valuable, and
                     what things are priceless. He is a great balance to me. He
                     appreciates the little things. He wants to make sure Otto
                     grows up in a loving environment, and that even if some
                     kind of catastrophe befalls our relationship, that he will
                     never experience our troubles, and that he will be loved.

          Cons: He goes without when he should really just go get. If you
                     know Mike, you know his clothes are full of holes and he
                     will wear them til they are threadbare and falling off his
                     body literally. He had to see his family constantly struggle,
                     which is not a happy position to be in as a kid, and saw a
                     lot of animosity between his parents (which has actually
                     turned into a pro because he is so even-keeled and always
                     strives to make things better instead of perpetuate our
                     fights).I honestly, can't think of any other cons, but
                     then again I am only gleaning, maybe he has more insight.


Collectively, we plan to raise Otto with the benefits of both of our
upbringings... Otto will never go without the necessities, but he will be
more brought up on experiences, and encouragement. He will not see
or feel the struggles we may be experiencing, and will not see any
animosity between his parents, no matter what life brings us. We never
want him to be indulged, but we do want him to feel safe and secure in
his childhood... adulthood will soon come and he will feel some harsh
realities, but is it wrong to want them to live an idealic childhood while
they can? 

 Here are the thing this article suggest to raise your children to value life
more and possessions less. I summed them up in a list (because this post
is long enough as it is), for more details the article link is below.

1. Teach Values.
2. Role Model.
3. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought.
4. Recognize that buying can be an addiction.
5. Don't feed your child's emotional hunger with possessions.
6. Don't Buy Your Child Off.
7. Re-evaluate your own buying decisions.
8. Help your child learn the value of hard work. 
9. Help your child learn how to hold a job.
10. Hold your child accountable for damaged goods. 
11. Every child deserves the pleasure of giving his own money to a
      worthy cause.
12. Cultivate Gratitude.
13. Educate yourself. 

via http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/10_Ways_to_Raise_Kids_who_Aren%27t_Entitled/